Who Am I when I am Not Being My Self?
We all feel like we have a real Self, an "I" who is the representation of who we truly are in this world. We talk of being true to ourselves, of being authentic. But how many of us can clearly articulate who this "real me" is? If challenged, how would we portray our Selves?
In searching for my own true Self, I tend to use the method recommended by the great genius Michaelangelo. A master at all forms of art and architecture, he was especially know for his unsurpassed ability as a sculptor. He was once asked how he was able to create such dynamic and inspiring figures out of stone. He replied that he did not create those figures at all. When this statement was met with confusion, he went on to explain that the figure was already in the stone. "I get a piece of marble and I just chip away what I can see is not the statue. Whatever is left after that is the sculpture."
Our authentic Selves are already hidden deep within the fabric of our lives. To discover who we really are only requires that we chip away what isn't really Me.
But how can we tell the difference between what is really me and what isn't? For guidance on this, I turn to the Buddha.
As the Buddha sat under the Bodhi Tree, focused on achieving enlightenment, the Tempter tried to stop him by using three distractions.
The first distraction the Buddha faced was Lust. Lust does not just refer to sexual temptation. Lust is the result of any of our appetites. I ask myself if there is a way that I am behaving in the world just because I believe it's what I have to do in order to get something that I need. Then I ask myself how much I really need it. If I look at it honestly, I find that most of the things I think I need are really something I just want, or, worse yet, something I think I should want. Need can only come from my authentic Self. If something is necessary to maintain my true identity, it will show up as a need. If it is just a want or pseudo-want, I chip it away from the statue.
The second distraction the Buddha faced was Fear. Things we are afraid of aren't truly parts of our identities. Fear can only rise from the illusion that we have something to lose. If something is part of our real Self, then it can never be lost. It is intrinsic and immortal. It is only the phony aspects of our persona that are mutable and temporary, and so it is only the phony parts of our identities that can experience fear. So if there is a part of myself that I can see is really just a reaction to fear, I chip it away from the statue.
The final, and most difficult, distraction the Buddha faced on his path to Enlightenment was Social Obligation. This is so difficult to overcome because it means rejecting the image that our loved ones have of us. My father desperately wanted me to be a Pharmacist. He was at me incessantly, even years after I graduated, to become a pharmacist. He did this because he loved me. He wanted me to always be safe and secure and he viewed Pharmacy as a failure-proof profession. I knew my father loved me and always wanted what he thought was best for me, but I looked inside myself and saw no Pharmacist there. I knew that the desire for a safe profession was the result of his life experience. A refugee from the Holocaust, having a profession that easily traveled across borders and was valuable even in times of global catastrophe was very important to my father, But that wasn't part of my life experience. I couldn't authentically be a Pharmacist, no matter how much I loved my father or how much he loved me.
So if there is a part of my Being that comes from how others see me rather than how I see my Self, then, no matter how dear they are to me, I chip it away from the statue.
A being of Lust, Fear, and Social Obligation. That is who I am being when I am not Being my Self. The more I chip away at those aspects of my life, the more I find who I really am.
In searching for my own true Self, I tend to use the method recommended by the great genius Michaelangelo. A master at all forms of art and architecture, he was especially know for his unsurpassed ability as a sculptor. He was once asked how he was able to create such dynamic and inspiring figures out of stone. He replied that he did not create those figures at all. When this statement was met with confusion, he went on to explain that the figure was already in the stone. "I get a piece of marble and I just chip away what I can see is not the statue. Whatever is left after that is the sculpture."
Our authentic Selves are already hidden deep within the fabric of our lives. To discover who we really are only requires that we chip away what isn't really Me.
But how can we tell the difference between what is really me and what isn't? For guidance on this, I turn to the Buddha.
As the Buddha sat under the Bodhi Tree, focused on achieving enlightenment, the Tempter tried to stop him by using three distractions.
The first distraction the Buddha faced was Lust. Lust does not just refer to sexual temptation. Lust is the result of any of our appetites. I ask myself if there is a way that I am behaving in the world just because I believe it's what I have to do in order to get something that I need. Then I ask myself how much I really need it. If I look at it honestly, I find that most of the things I think I need are really something I just want, or, worse yet, something I think I should want. Need can only come from my authentic Self. If something is necessary to maintain my true identity, it will show up as a need. If it is just a want or pseudo-want, I chip it away from the statue.
The second distraction the Buddha faced was Fear. Things we are afraid of aren't truly parts of our identities. Fear can only rise from the illusion that we have something to lose. If something is part of our real Self, then it can never be lost. It is intrinsic and immortal. It is only the phony aspects of our persona that are mutable and temporary, and so it is only the phony parts of our identities that can experience fear. So if there is a part of myself that I can see is really just a reaction to fear, I chip it away from the statue.
The final, and most difficult, distraction the Buddha faced on his path to Enlightenment was Social Obligation. This is so difficult to overcome because it means rejecting the image that our loved ones have of us. My father desperately wanted me to be a Pharmacist. He was at me incessantly, even years after I graduated, to become a pharmacist. He did this because he loved me. He wanted me to always be safe and secure and he viewed Pharmacy as a failure-proof profession. I knew my father loved me and always wanted what he thought was best for me, but I looked inside myself and saw no Pharmacist there. I knew that the desire for a safe profession was the result of his life experience. A refugee from the Holocaust, having a profession that easily traveled across borders and was valuable even in times of global catastrophe was very important to my father, But that wasn't part of my life experience. I couldn't authentically be a Pharmacist, no matter how much I loved my father or how much he loved me.
So if there is a part of my Being that comes from how others see me rather than how I see my Self, then, no matter how dear they are to me, I chip it away from the statue.
A being of Lust, Fear, and Social Obligation. That is who I am being when I am not Being my Self. The more I chip away at those aspects of my life, the more I find who I really am.
Posted by The Quest for Questions at 3/8/2009 12:46 PM 
Categories: Key Questions
Tags: authenticity questions influences
Categories: Key Questions
Tags: authenticity questions influences
Comments